Why does the superheroes wear their undies outside their pants?

An answer to the greatest brain teaser since time immemorial.

“With great powers comes great responsibilities” (and great stupidity in dress sense)

Yes, it’s the same monologue our friendly Spiderman blurted out. (The extra dialogue in parenthesis is my addition) He said so in the graveyard attending to the grave of his uncle. Such a pity, there wasn’t a single living soul to hear such tremendous words of importance. Only the corpses witnessed the birth of a great doctrine that has affected every superhero of yonder years, is still affecting the superheroes of our time and will affect the upcoming ones as well.

This school of philosophy is validated in every superhero’s case. This school of thought is their bondage. It is their chains that weigh down upon them. Anybody that understands this school of thought automatically becomes a superhero. In a jiffy, they are on their way to save the damsels-in-distress.

Even though the famous dialogue has been accredited to Spiderman, sources claim that he nicked it off. Originally the famous doctrine was uttered by Greek philosopher Aris T (Totally Cool Dude). He uttered the famous words in a duel with equally famous opponent Plat et’ O (Wisdom on plate, served hot).

It is said that Aris believed that he was buoyant when he bathed naked. Plat et’ O heard this when he was practicing the sacred art of Peeping Tom. He disliked the theory so much that he couldn’t stop himself to charge on the naked man. And thus began the rat race that was immortalized in the name of Aris T (Upon realizing the shame of running behind a naked man with an outstretched tunic, Plat et’ O stopped chasing him. The wise ones believe that his wife saw Plat et’ O chasing the naked man down the streets. She took it otherwise. From that day forth, Plat et’ O was heard preaching the philosophy of celibacy).

Plat et’ O was merely discouraging that fact when he chased Aris, still naked, on the streets of ancient Greece. It is further believed that Aris uttered those words aiming towards the raised cudgel Plat et’ O was carrying. He was perhaps trying him to throw it away by using his superior rhetoric skills. Science was his loosest spot (he did ran naked on the streets over some foolish theory) and so was his dressing skills (he ran naked on streets in broad day light).

Legends doesn‘t provide a clue to what happened to Aris in and after that incident. It’s any one’s guess. But, the legends say that, whenever someone realizes that doctrine or utter it in utter desperation their sense of logic (especially their dressing sense) goes flying out of the window.

Phantom (The Ghost who Walks) realized this in his own way. He swore an oath of revenge on sea pirates that swarmed the seven seas. That oath muddled his sense of judgment. Afterwards he wore a skin tight custom that was too tight around the crotch areas. Since there was no place for his favorite boxers inside the pants, he wore them outside his pants. He proudly wore the undies (glittery purple ones) outside his pants. Comic philosophers believe that this was due to the curse of Aris-the-not-so-totally-cool-dude. However, they fail to describe the curse. They only point to the fact that, “With super powers comes great responsibilities,” and add “and great stupidity in dressing sense.”

They also maintain that it is the working of the same curse that has resulted in the institutionalization of such uncomfortable ‘uniform’ for the superheroes. Due to the extreme body hugging properties of the uniform, especially around the crotch, superheroes have started to become impotent in their own right. The effects of such garments on superheroines are yet to be determined.

The common folks are yet to encounter superheroines with their lingerie outside their pants. Unfortunately, the curse of the Aris seems to work only on the other half. But hopeful aspirants in the comic world are unblinkingly waiting for the moment when the curse of Aris will finally start to work on their better half as well.

The day is eagerly awaited.